


Falling or Flying

by Starcrossedjedis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: DameRey, F/M, JediPilot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 01:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5893444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starcrossedjedis/pseuds/Starcrossedjedis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First meeting him was awkward, but she found that getting to know him kept her sane amidst the chaos. Leaving him behind would be harder than it should be. And seeing him again would be... more than she'd ever thought it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. pt. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Thea and Maria for the beta work - this ship is probably the bestest trash squad <3

I.

Their first meeting was awkward. _Very_. And not for the obvious reasons.

Not because Rey had never before met the man who was pressing her so tightly against him that her feet didn't touch the ground any more.

Not because she'd spent the past fourteen years banished to a scorching, filthy sand hole where physical displays of affection hadn't exactly been part of her daily routine.

It wasn't even because the sudden contact brought back thoughts of the last people who had held her this close. Finn who came back to save her and was now fighting for his life in the medical unit. And Leia who had lost so much in just one day that Rey wondered how the General was still standing.

It was awkward, because Rey found she _liked_  it.

Maybe she was just letting herself be carried away by the high spirits in the control room. Maybe she _needed_  something a little silly and light-hearted after the days she'd had. And maybe, just maybe after years and years of isolation and loneliness it was  _nice_ to find herself enveloped firmly by a pair of strong arms and safely tucked against a broad, warm chest.

She liked his smell. Even if the bright orange of his jump suit hadn't given him away before, his smell would have been enough to tell Rey that he was a pilot. He smelled like machine oil and sweat and the ozone that filled the air after a battle. And there was something else. He smelled  _green_. Like raindrops on leaves. It was a spicy, rich smell that reminded her of the magical moment she had stepped out of the Millennium Falcon to take her very first breath of clear forest air on Takodana. Oddly enough, the smell faintly reminded her of Finn. She probably liked it even more because of that.

He took a step back then, releasing her from his arms and Rey was a little embarrassed to find that she wouldn't have minded staying like this for a little while longer. She lifted her head to look at him.

He was older than her, if the first traces of silver in thick, tousled black curls were anything to go by. His nose was slightly crooked, like it had been broken at some point. When he gave her an awkward smile she saw soft wrinkles around his eyes – witnesses of a life full of laughter and smiles that left Rey strangely envious, but with a smile of her own – and the tiniest gap between otherwise perfect, white teeth. It was a good face, she decided. Handsome. Friendly. She added it to the list of things she liked about this complete stranger.

“Uh, hi”, he mumbled and it was only then that Rey noticed the look of mild discomfort on his face and she realised that he was just as embarrassed as she was. “I'm Poe.”

She nodded slowly as the pieces began to fall into place. Poe. Poe Dameron. She was looking at the man who started it all. BB-8, Finn... It was his mission that set in motion the events leading her here. In a way he changed her life as much as any of the others she'd met those past few days and he didn't have the slightest idea. But while a part of her felt like he should know his role in bringing her here, she found like this was neither the time nor the place to tell him. This whole encounter was already weird enough as it was. “I recognise the name”, she said instead. “So you're Poe. Poe Dameron, the X-Wing Pilot. I'm Rey.”

“I know”, he said. “Nice to meet you.”

Of course he knew her. Everyone did. Rey had seen the way people kept looking at her. She'd heard them whisper as she passed by on her way to see Finn in the the medical unit. Yesterday she had been a nobody. Scavanger scum. Now suddenly she'd become this obscure symbol of hope. She didn't even know _how_ word of her force powers has gone around so quickly – or at all – but the halls of the base were abuzz with rumours of the “Jedi Girl” and she found herself wishing she could go back to being no one.

Because no matter how she looked at it, Rey could see no scenario in which she wouldn't let everyone down. Because even if they found Luke Skywalker and even if he agreed to show her the ways of the Force, how were two Jedi – one and a half, really – supposed to take down the First Order? Suddenly being no one didn't sound so bad at all.

Poe Dameron was still smiling at her and Rey could feel some of that weight lift from her shoulders. Because _he_  didn't expect anything from her – no Jedi tricks, no miracles, not anything. She wasn't even sure how she knew this – if it was the Force, intuition or just the way he was looking at her. But she did know and she probably liked him a lot for that alone.

“It's nice to meet you, too, Poe”, she said with a small smile of her own. “BB-8 has told me all about you.”

 


	2. pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was quite the wait, wasn't it? I would love to go and promise the next part won't be, but well rl is a bitch, so...  
> Thank you, Emma for doing the beta work (I know this time it was a mess, I'm sorry <3)

II.

The next time she met him, she was in the medical unit.

It had been a long night. With the map to Luke Skywalker finally in the rebel's hands, the base had all the buzzing of a hive. Suddenly the scavenger girl from a remote desert planet was front and centre of the rebellion – standing next to no other than General Leia Organa as she set the course for their future. Rey's future was very clear. She was going to take the Millenium Falcon to Ahch-To, the planet the map lead to. She was going to find Luke Skywalker. Somehow – and she had no idea how – she was going to convince him to train her; to turn the scavenger into a Jedi. And then...who knew?

They were fighting a war. And in a war not everyone made it out alive. Han had proven that to be a sad truth. Finn might still follow him. He was floating in a bacta tank now and she was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of him with his jacket wrapped tightly around her shoulders. She wanted to be there when he woke up, even though the medic hadn't given Rey much to build her hopes on. The minor injuries alone were grave, she told her. The one on his back could be lethal. Lightsaber wounds were rare these days and their treatment not exactly common knowledge. They had done all they can for now, treated his wounds to the best of their abilities, then put him to sleep to help his body rest and heal.

“The rest is up to him”, the medic told her before leaving the room. As if her friend really had a say in his survival.

It was strange seeing him in that tank with all the tubes and cables sticking to his body. Creepy. As though she was watching a corpse floating underwater. But he was alive. Somewhere trapped inside this battered body her friend was fighting for his life.

Sometimes Rey would get scared that he was losing his battle as she sat there and waited. And every once in a while – and sometimes she swore she didn't even mean to – she can feel herself tapping into his mind. Just barely stroking the periphery of his consciousness. Never deep enough to see things he might not have wanted her to see - never ever would she do this to another living being - just enough to reassure herself that Finn was indeed still in there somewhere.

 

“That jacket sure does get around.”

Rey hadn't even realized she had been dozing off until Poe Dameron's voice startled her out of what she believed must have been a light slumber. She sat up straight, trying to blink away the last remnants of sleep as she looked up at his smiling face.

“What...?” Her voice was hoarse and she faintly wondered just how long she had really been asleep.

“The jacket”, he repeated, pointing at the piece of clothing wrapped around her shoulders. “It's mine. Well, it was part of my guise during my mission on Jakku. Finn took it after the First Order shot us down.”  
“I didn't know it was yours...”  
That's when it clicked. The smell of green that earlier reminded her of Finn. She thought of all the times she had pressed the collar to her face inhaling that smell, remembering her friend pulling her into his arms with that stupidly excited grin on his face. But the soothing scent of raindrops on leaves... it had never been Finn. It was  _Poe_.  
“I didn't know it was yours”, she spluttered, suddenly feeling strangely embarassed. She moved to slip the jacket off her shoulders. “I thought... You can have it back.”  
“No no no!” Poe was quick to object. “I told Finn to keep it and I'm sure he wouldn't mind you holding onto it for him. You must be freezing. I was terribly cold after I came back from Jakku and I was there barely long enough to get a sunburn.”  
“Thank you.” There was something oddly touching about this little display of thoughtfulness and she couldn't help but return his smile. For the past twenty-four hours she had been feeling less and less like herself – and as miserable and alone as this self might have been, at least she had known who she was – and having him look at her and actually see the freezing girl from Jakku made her feel a little less lost.  
”I always hated these”, Poe said, nodding at the bacta tank. “Doing great work, but they freak me out.”  
“Me too”, Rey agreed.  
“Do you want me to leave?” Poe asked. “I can come back another time if you want to be alone with him.”  
She thought about it for a moment. She knew that she probably wasn't the most entertaining company right now. But he was Finn's friend too and he had every right to want to be around. Also, the memory of lonely nights in the desert were still very fresh in her mind and she found that she liked the way Poe's presence made her feel. Warmer. Safer. Being around him was as comforting as his jacket around her shoulder.

  
“I think I could really use some company right now.”

 


	3. pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised, "they hate, I create". And, as I further promised, I am posting this before the new year (still twenty-six minutes left, thank you very much xD)  
> I hope you enjoy this, no matter how canon divergent TLJ has rendered it <3

III.

Rey didn't even realise she was looking for Poe until she found herself strolling through the hangar and scanning the flock of orange flight suits for that distinct mob of tousled, black curls.

  


It had felt good, having him with her last night even though they hadn't spoken all that much. He had told her a little about how he and Finn had met, how they had crash landed on Jakku and how he had made it out of the desert and back to the resistance. He had gotten rather tight lipped talking about his time in captivity, but the memory of her own cell on Starkiller Base – and the feeling of Kylo Ren _violating_ her mind – had still been fresh enough to understand why he wouldn't want to talk about it. Most of the time they just sat together in companionable silence while they both waited for any news on their mutual friend.

She had gone back to sleep a few times throughout the night, the exertion of the past days finally wearing her down. And every time she had woken up with a start he had been there – a warm, steady presence by her side.

It had been only in the morning and way past dawn that she had woken up to find that he had left. Someone – _Poe_ , she strongly suspected – had placed a blanket around her shoulders and a thermos jug was standing on the floor in front of her, filled – as Rey soon discovered, with the strongest, tastiest caf she had ever had. Not that she had that much comparison to draw from. After all, there wasn't much room for luxuries when you spent most of your days collecting scraps to keep yourself from starving.

After checking for any news on Finn - "His condition hasn't changed, but at least that means he's stable", the medic told her - she had gone to her quarters to clean herself up. The shower had been a tough temptation to turn down, but it wouldn't have felt right for her to take her merry time getting ready when outside everyone else was already on their feet. So she had instead opted to freshen herself up real quick before making her way to the control room.

It soon turned out that nobody there needed her. Leia had been in deep conversation with a woman and two men Rey didn't know and everyone else had been too busy working their stations to as much as acknowledge her presence.

Rey's next idea had been to go outside, catch a breath of fresh air and see if she could help Chewie with his repairs on the Falcon, but as soon as she had stepped out of the base her curiosity had been peaked by an X-Wing being moved into the hangar and for the moment the Falcon was all but forgotten.

Now there she was, seeking out this man who was practically a stranger to her, drawn in by his innate warmth like a moth by the light.

And while a part of her knew that this was nothing to be ashamed of, that it was only natural after years and years of isolation for her to cling to each and everyone who showed her even the smallest sign of affection - Finn, who had grabbed her hand as they took their first steps into a new life, Han, who had offered her a home on the Falcon and Leia, who had held her shaking form with all the softness of a mother - there was still a smart part of her that felt embarrassed enough to stop her dead in her tracks.

What if it was too much? What if Poe thought she was strange? What if he had just been polite - because she was Finn's friend and because she was their best hope at bringing back Luke Skywalker?

He was a Commander of the Resistance, not some gangly ship's boy killing time at Niima Outpost, surely he had better and more important things to do than keeping her company.

  


"This is _stupid_ ", she muttered and turned to leave, find Chewie and help repair the Falcon just as she had originally planned to do. She had barely walked two steps when a familiar beeping sound caught her attention and just a moment later BB-8 rolled towards her, almost knocking over a mechanic in the process. He came to a halt at her feet and promptly erupted into a series of unmistakably cheery bleeping sounds.

"Yes, I see that you have new antennas", she said with a smile and knelt down in front of him. "I like them very much. Did Poe get these for you?"

"I did."

She turned around and found Poe grinning down at her from the cockpit of his black X-Wing. His hair was a mess, his flight suit was covered with oily stains and there was a black streak under his left eye that looked like he had rubbed his face with dirty hands. All it took was one look at him and Rey's worries melted away. Because not only did it seem like Poe Dameron was someone who wore his heart on his sleeve, he very much wore it on his face as well. There was no doubt that he was happy to see her there and Rey felt a bit of that wall she had so carefully built around herself get chipped away by that realisation. Suddenly his face grew very serious, his grin turning into a look of alarm.

"Is something wrong with Finn?"

His concern for their friend warmed her heart.

"No, no, no! Finn's alright", she assured him quickly. "Well, actually he's still unconscious, but apparently no news are good news when someone slashed your back open with a lightsaber."

"That's probably right", Poe mused, before turning his attention back to her. "Do you need my help with something?"

"No."

Immediately that feeling of being a burden to others tried to sneakily creep its way back into her head, but this time Rey resolutely shoved it aside.

"I actually came here to see if there was anything _I_ could do. Everyone's got a job to do around here and I'm starting to feel a little useless."

"You are anything but useless, Rey", Poe gave back softly. If he noticed the faint pink his words left on her cheeks, he was considerate enough to pretend that he didn't. Rey felt an unfamiliar wave of affection wash over her, leaving her a little light headed and strangely nervous at the same time.

“You know what? I could really use some help here”, he nodded his head towards the open fuselage area of his X-Wing. "There's been this really strange banging sound somewhere in the back since we got back yesterday and I can't for the life of me figure out where it's coming from. Finn told me you know your way around machines, maybe you can help me fix this.”

Rey had a hunch someone was throwing her a bone there. She had seen him fly this thing. There was no way in the galaxy that a pilot of Poe's calibre didn't know every last nut bolt and wire on his ship. He didn't really need her. Her help would've probably been wiser spent assisting Chewie on the Falcon. But the truth was that being around Poe had made her feel so much better than she had felt in a long time. And she desperately needed to feel this way just for a little while longer.

 

“I would love to help...”

 


	4. pt. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He scratched the back of his head with a bashful little laugh.  
> "I know some people make fun of the way I treat him, but I don't care. He's not just a droid to me, he's my friend. You are the reason I got my friend back and even if that were the only redeeming quality about you, I would still have your back for that alone."

IV.

Turned out she'd been right.

Poe would have been just fine without her help. That 'strange banging sound' had simply been caused by a loose part of the inner hull that had somehow gotten caught in a bundle of charred wires, probably when the fighter had taken a hit during the last battle, and that was now clanging against the cover plate behind the pilot's seat with every move.

All they'd had to do was change the fried wires and replace the missing part. All in all the whole ordeal hadn’t taken them much more than an hour and finding spare parts to work with had proven to be the trickiest part about it. Now they were sitting next to each other on the ship's nose, sharing a sandwich while the rest had gone to the mess hall for lunch. Rey briefly wondered if maybe she should've been crossed with Poe for thinking he needed to come up with pity jobs for her, but the truth was that she'd enjoyed herself far too much to actually care.

Back on Jakku she didn't have many friends - very probably none, actually. They'd all been scavengers after all and thus rivals by default.

It was hard to trust somebody when you grew up in a place where most people would beat you to a pulp over scrap metal or half portions of food that was barely edible.

Maybe this also was the reason why Rey found it incredibly difficult to talk to people - Poe included.

She tried to remember if it had been the same way with Finn or Han, but in the end their whole situation had been so different from what was happening now. First they had been on the run together and then on Starkiller Base... there hadn't been much room for thought, let alone small talk. Things had just happened that no one could go through without forming some sort of emotional bond.

Getting to know Poe was a whole different story. It wasn't that Rey didn't like spending time with him like this, talking and tinkering with his T-70. She did. _Very much._ It was just that she had a hard time keeping up her side of the conversation.

Thankfully, Poe seemed to have picked up on her troubles and had gladly taken to filling her awkward silences with good natured chatter and soon they had settled into a comfortable routine where she had worked on the X-Wing while he told her all about what it had been like growing up on Yavin IV - in the shadow of the old temple and surrounded by a vast, green jungle so untamed it never stopped growing, never stopped creeping in through every crack and every window, trying to win back what little space his home had claimed.

Poe was a brilliant storyteller; lively and with a sweeping sense for detail. At times Rey had felt as if she could actually hear the song of exotic birds the colours of the rainbow and the soft drip drop of warm rain falling on leafs, like she could see the sun rise over century old trees that grew high into the sky. And she still remembered the way Poe‘s smell had reminded her of the rich green of a rainforest. Rey couldn't believe how much she already knew about him. How little she had shared about herself in return...

 

"You look a million miles away", Poe noticed suddenly, startling her out of her thoughts. "Are you alright? We can go and check on Finn, if you're worried. Or we could have lunch with the other pilots, if you're already bored with me."

There was humour in that last remark, given away by a mischievous glint in his eyes that made her smile.

"I don't think you've ever bored another being in your life", she gave back and was her intuition off or did he really blush ever so slightly at this? "And I'm sure if Finn's condition changes, we'll be the first to know." And just like that the insecurities kicked back in.

"But if _you'd_ rather be somewhere else, I‘d understand. I know that I'm not good at this..." She vaguely gestured at the space between them, trying to find the right words. "Hanging out, talking about myself. To be honest, I don't think talking in general is my forte..."

She had been looking down at her hands while she spoke, but she lifted her head when she felt his eyes on her in the heavy silence that followed her words.

He seemed to study her face, searching for something even though she didn't know for what. And then, she wasn't sure if he had found what he'd been looking for or not, he smiled at her in this unique way that turned his whole face soft and that somehow managed to warm her from the inside.

"I think you're doing great", he told her and gently nudged her shoulder with his. "Not many people could go through what you've been through and come out of it..."

He trailed off and for the first time since Rey had met him - had it really only been a day? - he seemed at a loss for words. Not for too long though.

"You are brave and kind. And you‘ve been all BB-8 talks about since he got back here - how you saved him and tried and how you wouldn't trade him for food even when you must have been starving.“

He scratched the back of his head with a bashful little laugh.

"I know some people make fun of the way I treat him, but I don't care. He's not just a droid to me, he's my friend. You are the reason I got my friend back and even if that were the only redeeming quality about you, I would still have your back for that alone."

"Thank you", Rey whispered, finding that her voice betrayed the emotions she was holding back. No one had ever said something like this to her. It was one thing to tell herself that whatever reason her family had for abandoning her in that hell hole, it wasn't her fault. She had repeated that so many times in her head over the years that had it lost all meaning. Hearing Poe say these things about her stirred a part of her she thought had turned to stone a long time ago.

"I don't know what to say", she told him with a shaky laugh. "Again."

"That's okay", Poe chuckled. His attention was then caught by another pilot - a pretty, young woman with long, dark hair - who had just entered the hangar.

"Hold on, I have an idea", he announced, let himself slide off along the side of the ship and landed on his feet with a grace that both surprised and impressed Rey.

 

"Hey, Jess!"

He waved his arm as he jogged towards his comrade with a broad grin. "Can I borrow your ride for a bit?"

"What do you need my ship for?" Jess asked him, momentarily confused. Then she spotted Rey behind him.

"Oh, I see", she said with a knowing grin. "Well, who am I to deny our very special guest a little bit of fun? But you owe me a drink - and I mean one of those fancy ones that come with fruit and glitter attached to the glass."

"Deal", Poe kissed her on the cheek. "You're the best!"

"You bet I am", Jess gave back and rubbed her cheek puling a face at him. "If I find one dent on her that wasn't there before, I will kick your ass."

"Of course you will", Poe said fondly. He then turned around to Rey who didn't even try to pretend she hadn't been listening and was practically buzzing with excitement.

 

"Wanna fly an X-Wing?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you look at that? A new chapter and it's not been a whole year? Seems like my new year's resolution is coming along nicely so far =)  
> Thanks so much for all the kudos and all the notes on Tumblr <3


End file.
